MISSING

by Vidimvas

God, I miss you today. I just do. I miss you, not even knowing who you are. I think it is called longing. Koprnim po tebi danes. Pa te ne poznam, ali pa te poznam, pa ne vem, če te res poznam. Nisem prepričana, če si ti ta, ki ga pogrešam. Danes koprnim.

Danes pogrešam vse. Pogrešam dotik, pogrešam pogled, pogrešam besede. Pogrešam kavo in pogrešam tebe. I yearn for something and I don’t even know if it is there or if I just imagined it. Dejansko niti ni važno, ali je resnično ali ni. It doesn’t change the fact that today, I miss you. Today I want you and today I let myself. I let myself dream. Today is my bane, today is my dream. Danes si dovolim vse, zato  mi je hudo in zato koprnim. I love you today. And I miss you today. In danes bo še dolg dan, danes si bom zamislila vse in premislila vse in samo še huje bo postalo. Dokler me ne bo napolnilo in ne bom več zdržala… I won’t be able to hold it in today, I will burst today. Polna bom tebe. Polna sem ideje o tebi, polna sem možnosti. Of the things that could have been, of the things that should have been. Of the unspoken words and the unfelt feelings. I am full of you today. Danes se bojim same sebe, danes se bojim vseh. Danes sem na robu … na robu zloma in na robu obupa. Danes je težko in danes je lahko. Today is everything, it is everything, it is you. I should tell you, but this time I won’t. It will be unspoken, once again. The great unspoken, that always lies between us, as a big layer of wool.

I was searching for something today. Nisem našla, nisem našla edinih besed, ki so obstajale. Zavrgla sem jih, ker so bile resnica in resnica vedno boli. Zavrgla sem jih, but yet I still have them. They are scorched into my brain, into my heart. Vedno so bile tam, vedno bodo tam. Today I am pile of love, it is overflowing, I am unable to put it somewhere. I am overflowing, I am flooded, I am full. I will burst, I will explode.