It is starting again. Just a bit. ‘Tis the time.
This weird longing, that lets you know, that somewhere deep down you still hurt and bleed a bit. That you still guard your heart in order for it not to be broken. That it will still hurt a bit.
But the good news now is, that you know what it is and that it is but a shadow of a pain long gone. In comparison, a prick on your finger bleeding with a familiar blood. Small and insignificant, but it forces you to remember. To go over the same longing thoughts as you did in the summer. But with a significant difference. You are now stronger, you are healed. The scar remains, the surgical pain lingers in the deep scar tissue. But I am stronger and don’t let the memories and the dull pain drown me. I see them as a victory, a sign that I am better. And I am.
I again long for something and someone. I wish and will and hope for someone. I allow myself to be sad today and to ache for love. To dream, that he is out there and that our paths have not yet crossed. Or that they have and we just don’t know it yet.
Today I let myself be sad and hopeful. Today I let myself dream. Today I let myself ache.
Tomorrow I will again just be.