vidimvas

Videti sebe v drugih in druge v sebi.

Month: February, 2014

HANKLERFISH

Včasih imamo slabe dneve.

Dvomimo samo vase, ljudje nam ne odgovarjajo na maile in klice in smse, we feel kinda fat and stupid, si mislimo, da bi morali takrat storiti to, ne pa tega … si mislimo, da imajo drugi svoje življenje veliko bolj pod kontrolo, kot mi sami in so bolj uspešni. Si mislimo, da smo vse zavozili in da nas nihče ne mara in da bomo zavedno ostali tu, na dnu, brez vsega.

Potem pa ti ljudje pošljejo sms, ugotoviš, da se ne počutiš samo ti tako in potem je vse čisto malo boljše.

Potem pa pride še Hanklerfish po pošti.

SAMSUNG

OVERLY MANLY MAN IS PLAYING THE BASS LIKE A GUITAR

And I can’t even articulate my thoughts into a coherent unit.

Tole bo nadaljevanje prejšnjega povsta. In bo samo bluzenje, o tem, kako bi vedno moralo biti, ne pa da si stojimo na poti, smo prestrašeni, se slabo počutimo in nismo prepričani.

Head on, always moving forward, not holding back, telling the truth, running, screaming, howling at the moon. Dancing naked in the flat, singing like you are a rock star, swinging your ass like you are a stripper, moving with sex dripping down your knees. Speaking with confidence, speaking kindly, speaking the truth, not asking permission, but taking control. Being honest, taking action, doing you life. Letting people come in, inviting people to stay, seeing them in you and letting them see themselves in you. Biting, scratching, hurting, drawing blood, licking and kicking. Going deep down and always finding new places to dwell into, losing yourself in another. Gripping, clawing, not touching, leaving traces on people, sweating, rocking and breathing together. Hickies and bruises and scars and marks from your living, from your life, from your loving. Exploding, imploding, ever circling, ever traveling, ever moving. Daring to go the distance, daring to live like you want to, daring to love like you want to, daring. Finding and fighting and losing and crying and winning and laughing.  Gasping for air when it hits you … the knowing that it is right, when you feel it, when you  know it. Unable to articulate thoughts into a coherent unit, when I see.

Also, ali lahko že komentiram marec? Do njega me loči še en slab teden in že se kaže, da bo še bolj utrgan, kot februar in januar skupaj. I mean, what gives? Ko sem si rekla, da bo 2014 moar … bom očitno dobila to. Moar … okay, I guess.

Also, be absolute darlings and listen to our new podcast … https://soundcloud.com/filmflow/filmflow-oskarji

ORGAZMIČNO

Imam težave z izražanjem čustev. Pa sem mislila, da s tem nimam problemov.

Ampak, če vam ne znam niti približno opisati svoje ljubezni, navdušenosti in obsedenosti z res dobro rokenrol glasbo … kako potem lahko pričakujem od ljudi, da bodo razumeli, kako jih imam rada in kako jih ljubim? Recimo, da se danes potrudim.

It usually starts with a new band or a downward spiral of good old rock and roll. Najprej npr. Lynyrd Skynyrd, potem Deep Purple  in za konec Led Zeppelini ter stari južnjaški bluz. It fills me up.

As with all things that I love, I have a visceral reaction. *grem pogledat v slovar, kaj pomeni visceral* Najdem “drobovje” in opis “deep inward feelings“. Točno tako.

Nekje globoko znotraj se začne nabirati elektrika, pritisk narašča in srce mi začne hitrje biti. Pulz se še poviša in začnem se čisto malo tresti, ne morem biti pri miru. Ich habe Schmetterlinge im Bauch, kar pomeni, da me začne črvičiti v trebuhu in potem … potem čisto zakuham. Dobesedno mi rata vroče čisto povsod in začnem se gibati … ali pa kričati. Najraje oboje, dokler se energija popolnoma ne sprosti in … in … potem, če sem sama, kot zadnje čase sem, skačem po stanovaju gor in dol, kričim, plešem in se smejem. Dokler me to tako ne izčrpa, da padem dol in potem se lahko prične repeat high voltage.

*re-reads what she just wrote* Half of it sounds like having an orgasm. I guess it is… a musical one. Ampak že spet ni niti pikica tistega, kar se mi dejansko dogaja, ko slišim res dober rokenrol komad. The endless possibilities, the power, the love, the sex, the high, the attitude, the freedom, the life. All of that and at the same time.

Pa vi to komu razložite.

I MADE CANDY ON GOOGLE

In zdaj dobite še povst o ljubezni.

Zato, ker se danes počutim dobro, ker sije sonce. Včeraj se nisem, ker je deževalo.

To je moje prvo samsko valentinovo po … vam sploh ne upam povedati, koliko letih. In se počutim nekako takole:

masturbating

Nekako. Je pa tudi res, da redko upoštevam svoja lastna načela, ker pri nekaterih stvareh ne morem mimo strahu. Kajti …

one does not simply

Ampak, ker smo v varnem zaveterju interneta in ker je danes sonce in privoščim vsem, da imate nekoga, tole …

i like you

DOUBLE FAKOF

Danes, oz. let’s face it že cel februar, sem imela približno takle dan:

dobuble-fakof

Jap, od ozadi in ospredi.

Medtem, ko so ljudje poplavljeni, več kot en teden brez elektrike in signala in INTERNETA!!!, sem jaz res slabe volje … ker. Ker se pač ne počutim optimalno, I am a bit haunted with my past, ljudje so naporni in možgani mi nagajajo. Malo sem tečna in I just want to be pampered a bit … this February. Just, tell me everything will be fine and provide chocolate.

Res popolnoma egoistično želim, da se me malo pocrklja … in seveda se potem vklopijo moji možgani “Stop whinning, ljudje so brez elektrike in INTERNETA!!! and you are just having some February blues.” In seveda sem potem še bolj tečna in hočem še več čokolade.

Just, can I not have a “night [when] you were already in bed – Said fuck it, got up to drink with me instead”, yelling into the night and having many cups of coffee while discussing life, the universe and everything?!?!?!?!?

Just aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

%d bloggers like this: